Making Choices: Needs Versus Wants
One choice I'll never regret.
Hi there!
I had big plans for 2024. I knew I would achieve writing success, retire from my day job, and stop being a prisoner of social anxiety.
Then came this year and so many dark days. I lost my dad in May and then could barely write at all in the months that followed. Sorting through all his belongings is one of the most emotional things I’ve ever done.
There were also plenty of good days. I published my first book, learned which friends I could really depend on, and I started an exercise routine I’ve actually followed since July.
But I keep getting stuck thinking about my job. Should I have quit even when I was making so little money from my writing? Or is it wiser to hold on to the steady paycheck?
Honestly, I hate decisions, and too often just go with the easier of the two choices. As a young man, I was much different.
“Today I choose life. Every morning when I wake up I can choose joy, happiness, negativity, pain... To feel the freedom that comes from being able to continue to make mistakes and choices - today I choose to feel life, not to deny my humanity but embrace it.”
- Kevyn Aucoin
Scott Ninneman also publishes the free All Things Bipolar Newsletter (off Substack). The Sunday email features the newest content about bipolar life. Every Sunday in December will focus on closing your year in the best possible way.
A New Start
Have you ever been in a similar spot? Was there a time you struggled between what you knew you should do and what appeared to be an easier approach?
Choosing your future is hard, but acting on those choices is even harder. Of course, throwing bipolar disorder into the formula only adds more stress, but success is possible.
While dozens of my choices led to messy ends, many others took me to a better life. Moving to Tennessee is one of them.
At 20, I left my family and friends in Wisconsin to pursue a life 900 miles away in the mountains of southeast Tennessee. Part of me was terrified, but I knew the life I wanted. One of my major goals was to get away from brutal winters, and the warmer south ticked that box.
My first year in Tennessee was rocky. I had a roommate to start, a friend I knew from Wisconsin. Living with him damaged both my mental health and my relationships with family and friends.
I wised up and moved out within eight months, but the harm he caused hung around for years.
The end of our friendship made me wonder if leaving Wisconsin was the right path, but I was determined to succeed. I moved to the south with no job prospects. I was young and believed everything would work out. And, in time, it did.
Big Decisions
I tremble now when I think of how I walked away with no direction. Could I do it now? I doubt it, so I hold close to my job as a tax preparer. There’s too much fear about not having enough, especially in today’s economy.
The memory of leaving home also gives me strength. Moving helped me explore new cultures, form a chosen family, and learn who I was at my core.
The true value of leaving my childhood home took years to become clear. Now, I’m so glad I ran away when I did.
So, for now, I’m focusing on my past successes. The future I’m choosing may not be everything I hoped for, but I believe it will be what I need. And sometimes needs have to win out over wants.
The writing life I want will come. I have no doubt of that, but it may take a little longer. In the meantime, I’m doing what I can to improve my life in other ways. Every step towards a goal counts, no matter how small the step.
For today, think about your choices. Every one of your decisions affects your future, so choose wisely.
Journal Prompt: Write about a time you made a scary decision that improved your life. What did the experience teach you?
Creative Writing Prompt: Your character (or you) is granted a wish to see any day in the future. What day do they choose? What do they see? Does knowing the future change their life?
Until next time, keep fighting.
Scott Ninneman
Additional Reading:
The book that started it all…
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