Life Doesn’t Balance Like a Spreadsheet
Why the perfectionism that makes you successful can also make you sick.
Hi there!
I finally feel like I’m coming out of the fog after pushing myself so hard through the last few months. My back is hurting less and my thinking is a little clearer. Best of all, I feel my creativity returning, and I’m so ready to put that into action.
The reality of the busy season forced me to accept a painful truth: my body is getting older and my energy reserves are decreasing. I don’t think it would be wise for me to ever work seven days a week again, so it’s time to look at making changes.
I would love your help as I evaluate all of the aspects of my life. Something in my creative content may need to go. If you have a free minute, please reply to this message and tell me what of my content helps you the most. Even one word or sentence would help me in my search to move forward.
For now, nothing is changing. I’m in the information gathering stage, but I know I have to take action soon. Protecting your mental health is your most important job when you have bipolar disorder. When you let things get too out of control, the price is hefty. Nearly a month after tax season ended, I still feel like I’m paying the toll.
This week’s content is all about overcoming perfectionism. Are you your own harshest critic? Me too. Let’s work on changing that. Part one is below, and we will continue this theme in the Positivity Club this week.
I am so grateful to have you here reading my words each week. Please let me know what I can do to serve you best moving forward.
Until next time, keep fighting.
Scott Ninneman
Life Doesn’t Balance Like a Spreadsheet
Spending over three decades ensuring every tax return is flawless and every ledger perfectly balances wires the brain for precision. In the professional world, perfectionism is rewarded. A decimal point out of place has real consequences. The math has to be right. I’ve spent hours trying to track down a few missing dollars.
The problem arises when we take that rigid, zero-error standard and try to apply it to our mental health.
Living with bipolar disorder is messy. It defies spreadsheets. You can do everything right—take the medication, get the sleep, avoid the triggers—and still wake up with a mood swing. When your brain is wired to expect a perfectly balanced ledger, an unprovoked depressive crash feels like a massive, unforgivable failure.
Perfectionism whispers a very dangerous lie: If you just try harder, you can control the uncontrollable. It tells us that if our house isn’t spotless, if our work isn’t flawless, and if our moods aren’t perfectly stable, we are failing at being adults. We end up carrying a crushing amount of shame for simply experiencing the symptoms of a medical condition.
I get it. I fight against this trend every day. My brain demands perfection and most days I fall far short of it, so it’s something I’m working on changing.
This week, we are dismantling the trap of perfect.
Recovery is not a straight, upward-trending line on a graph. It is a squiggly, chaotic scribble. A game of chutes and ladders. You have to learn how to compartmentalize your standards.
Keep the perfectionism for the math, the contracts, and the professional deadlines. But when it comes to your mind, your living room, and your daily energy? Try adopting a policy of grace.
You don’t have to be perfect to be worthy of a peaceful life. You just have to show up and do the best you can with the battery power you have today.
Journal Prompt
Where in your life are you demanding an A+ when a B- would be perfectly fine? Write down one area where you can lower the bar today to relieve some pressure.
Scott Ninneman is the author of Speaking Bipolar’s 30 Days of Positivity, the Anchored in the Storm guided journal, and the writer behind SpeakingBipolar.com. Living in the mountains of southeast Tennessee, he spends his days crunching numbers as a tax preparer and his nights caring for his mother and writing stories about bipolar life. (And he loves pandas.)
Still here? I made this special thank you just for you.
I do find your personal stories and descriptions beneficial. Unfortunately, I seem to be skimming through the stories with the animals, without really processing them - they don't resonate with me. You do, however, make me feel like I'm not alone.