Learn to Apologize When You've Made a Mistake
Then forgive yourself and others.
Hi there!
The last days before my first psychiatric hospital stay, I was a raging animal.
Sleep was nonexistent, and I lost all grasp on reason. All I knew was the noise in my head, and the voices never ceased. I was willing to do anything to stop it.
Brave friends stepped up to help, ultimately saving my life, but I didn't make it easy for them.
I spewed hateful words with the speed of a salad shooter, and not only found their buttons, but jumped up and down on each one of them.
My friend Margaret caught the worst of it.
She's one of those people willing to give everything to her friends. In a fit of rage, I verbally shredded her, and then listened as she cried in the next room.
The sound of her sobs still torments me today, nearly three decades later, even though we both moved past those horrendous days.
“Mistakes are always forgivable, if one has the courage to admit them.”
- Bruce Lee
Scott Ninneman also publishes the free All Things Bipolar Newsletter (off Substack). The Sunday email features the newest content about bipolar life.
Learning to Apologize
I was too sick to care about anyone but myself.
The thought of apologizing never even crossed my mind. I couldn't comprehend how much pain I caused, or believe anyone could forgive the things I said. It took years of therapy and self-reflection to realize the error of my ways.
Now, as an adult with bipolar disorder, I understand how important it is to apologize when I've made a mistake.
It takes strength and courage to apologize, especially to someone you’ve deeply hurt. The bravery is necessary if you want to maintain healthy relationships.
Apologizing is often tough for people with bipolar disorder, because we can be quick to get angry and slow to forgive.
When you've made a mistake, take responsibility for your actions. This means owning up to what you did wrong without making excuses. It's also important to express remorse for the pain you caused.
A simple "I'm sorry" can go a long way towards repairing the damage.
Learning to Forgive
Forgiveness is a two-way street, so you need to be open to forgiving others.
Bipolar will make this difficult, but it’s easier if you remember everyone makes mistakes. When you're able to forgive, it can help reduce the anger and resentment you feel.
Learning to forgive includes forgiving yourself. You are worthy of as much forgiveness as anyone else, so don’t hold yourself hostage to the sins of your past.
It takes courage to admit when you've made a mistake. Some apologies will be hard, maybe even feel impossible, but make the effort. The only way to heal is to move forward, so do what you can and try not to repeat your mistakes.
Apologize, forgive, and move on.
Written Apologies
Sometimes it feels impossible to say the words out loud. It’s okay to write an apology, especially when someone refuses to talk to you. Use these prompts to help you think deeper about your need to apologize.
Journal Prompt: Write a letter to someone (or yourself) to apologize. This letter is for you, so pour out your heart. It’s okay to destroy it when you’re done.
Creative Writing Prompt: Write a story about someone who comes back after two decades to apologize. What did they do? Why did it take so long to apologize? Is their apology accepted?
Until next time, keep fighting.
Scott Ninneman
Additional Reading:
The book that started it all…
Disclaimer:
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I apologized to a friend when I hadn't done anything "wrong" but she misinterpreted what I had said. She was grieving her recently departed mother so she was in a highly emotional state.
I apologized for hurting her, despite my not being"guilty." Then she apologized to me for misinterpreting my words.
After a year or so after I reached out to apologize, we resume our relationship.
So don't just apologize when you are "wrong" but also apologize when you've had a rupture in your relationship.