Decide What You Love More and You Will Make Big Changes
But it will take some work to get there.
Hi there!
We have two printers in my work office where we send all our large print jobs. Every time the power goes out, which is often in my little town, the printers act up. The only fix is to reset them, sometimes several times.
A few mornings ago, I was standing at the printer out front waiting to see if the reset worked. Looking up, I glimpsed my reflection in the front window.
I swear, I look like I’m about 8 months into a pregnancy. The image looking back at me was a wake-up call.
At that moment, I vowed to make a change. I promised myself to go home and get on the elliptical and sweat until the pounds came off.
And my intentions were good.
Then, about 8:30 that night, fifteen minutes into a Star Trek: Strange New Worlds episode, another part of my brain took over. My night brain only wants to fill the empty space inside me. It doesn’t matter if I’m hungry or not.
So, like I do most nights, I started shoveling junk into my mouth. And I kept stuffing until the feeling went away.
“Do the difficult things while they are easy and do the great things while they are small. A journey of a thousand miles must begin with a single step.”
- Lao Tzu
Scott Ninneman also publishes the free All Things Bipolar Newsletter (off Substack). The Sunday email features the newest content about bipolar life.
Admitting the Problem
Comfort binge eating is unhealthy, I know. I also understand it’s the reason I can’t lose weight. But I can’t seem to stop.
Many things in life come down to what you love more. When I see my plump belly in the window reflection as I walk past, I truly hate it. I despise everything about being 30+ pounds overweight. I love the idea of getting fit again.
But I also love potato chips and cookies and pie and all the other sugary and salty goodness that fills my nights. My love for junk food often overpowers my wish to be trim. So, I give in, night after night.
Until I learn to care more about my physical health and appearance, the weight will be with me. It’s up to me to change, and so far, I have chosen not to. I’d love to blame it on a million other things, but it’s just me. My decision to buy and eat garbage.
What Do You Love More?
Taking on your mental health can be just as challenging as trying to lose weight.
Many people with bipolar disorder stop taking their meds because they miss the mania. It’s dangerous and often leads to painful consequences, but in the moment, each person has to decide what they love more.
Stability is a gift. When you achieve it, you need to keep a tight grip on it.
The only way to stay in a good place is to stick to your treatment plan every day. For me, that means medication. While I hate taking it, I know who I was without it. I love the person I am now much more. So I keep taking the pills.
In time, I will tackle my weight. I’ve already started making better decisions by doing stretching exercises and cardio 3-4 a week, but I’m still buying the junk food. Until I stop, my unhealthy eating habits will continue.
The most important thing is that you are trying to improve. Progress is never linear. There will always be ups and downs along the way, no matter what goal you’re working towards.
The key is to never give up. If you fall of track, get back on it as soon as possible. Dropping back to zero is okay, even if you do it 100 times.
I’m committing to losing weight because I know it will be better for my physical health. The exercise also seems to improve my mood and energy level, so I’m trying to learn to love that more than just chilling in the recliner.
Every change takes time. Decide what you love more and then move on.
Grab a Pen
Spend a few minutes thinking about what’s important to you by writing answers to these prompts.
Journal Prompt: What do you need to change? What do you love more? And what are you willing to do about it?
Creative Writing Prompt: Drop yourself into a scene of an episode of your favorite TV show. Rewrite the scene with you in it but write your character as the person you dream of being.
Until next time, keep fighting.
Scott Ninneman
Additional Reading:
The book that started it all…
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