Focus on Others When You Feel Like Quitting
Being needed can give you strength.
Hi there!
Have you ever wanted to give up?
I know I have. Before my Familial Mediterranean Fever (FMF) diagnosis, I endured over four years of inconclusive tests and poking and prodding from a dozen different doctors. The weekend before I heard the news, lying in agony crossways across my queen-size bed, I told God, “That’s it! I’m done!” And I meant it.
It’s easy to feel like giving up when life gets tough. When bipolar depression sets in or a manic cycle comes to a crashing end, going on may feel pointless. In those rough times, it’s often best to focus on others instead of yourself.
Changing your perspective will help you find the strength to keep going.
"No man is ever whipped until he quits in his own mind."
- Napoleon Hill
Scott Ninneman also publishes the free All Things Bipolar Newsletter (off Substack). The Sunday email features the newest content about bipolar life.
Seeing the needs of others
When you see the people who need you–whether they’re your friends, family, or even strangers–you realize you can’t give up.
Who will feed the kids or your fur babies? Who will keep your mom safe or drive your dad to his doctors appointments? Where will your best friend turn for a listening ear or your partner find a hand to hold?
You have value and people need you. So you must keep fighting for them.
Of course, focusing on others is much easier said than done.
When you’re battling your own monsters, it's hard to see anyone else. But if you can find a way to reach out to someone else, even in a small way, it can open a door to new strengths.
Glimmers of light
Quite often, it’s a text message that brings me back to my senses. When I see the new text notification, I’m reminded that I matter to others, and many of them need me around.
Sometimes, all it takes is a kind word to remind you that you’re not alone. The glimmer of light can be enough to get you through another day.
Creating online content helps me stay focused on others. Every week, I write several new posts regardless of how negative I feel inside. I won’t pretend it’s easy. Some weeks, I cuss the blank screen and dream about smashing my computer to tiny bits.
Those days, it takes every drop of energy to force myself to sit down and put words on the page. But, when I do, everything looks a little brighter.
Shifting from focusing on your own suffering to how you can help others takes you out of the center of the universe. Even when you feel like you have nothing to give, your text message might be the strength someone else needs to keep going.
It really works
The weekend before my FMF diagnosis, my stomach felt like 50 belts were wrapped around my body and being pulled tighter with every breath. I wanted my pain to stop, no matter the price.
Then I thought of my parents. I was their sole caretaker. When I thought about their suffering and anxiety if I was suddenly gone, I knew there was no choice to be made. I had to keep going for them.
The next Monday morning, when my internist walked in and told me he had finally discovered what was tormenting me, I was so happy to be there. He started me on a treatment plan, and the intense pain was mostly gone in a few days.
Often the better times are much closer than you think. You just have to hold on until you get there.
Beat the odds
Every day, news stories show people who have overcome incredible odds. Some of my favorites (both included in my book) include one about a blind mountain climber and another about a captain who lost his ship near the south pole.
Positive stories can inspire you to keep going even when things seem hopeless. Research also shows helping others can lead to an increased sense of well-being.
When you help where you can, you receive back a sense of purpose and satisfaction. If you’re struggling today to find a reason to keep going, remember there are people who need your help. By giving of yourself, you may find the strength to keep fighting for your life.
As long as you keep moving forward, even if it’s just one tiny step at a time, you’re never really defeated. If you refuse to quit in your own mind, anything is possible.
The next time you feel like giving up, think of someone who needs you. If no one comes to mind, scroll through your contacts or go outside and find a person in need.
Stand up and keep moving forward. Do your best to add a little good to the world, and you’ll find good in return.
Journal Prompt: What are some ways you can focus on others? Pick one person you know who needs help and make a plan on how you can assist them. Take your first step today.
Creative Writing Prompt: Write about a character who finds new purpose in life by focusing on others and helping them achieve their goals.
Until next time, keep fighting.
Scott Ninneman
Additional Reading:
The book that started it all…
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