Building Healthy Boundaries in Relationships: A Bipolar Brain's Guide
A mini course to help you create healthy boundaries.
Hi there!
The sun shone brightly above the lush green leaves of the trees on both sides of the trail. Tiffany and I were pursuing one of my goals: hiking to the top of a 300-foot waterfall.
“We're almost there,” she told me when we came to a small stream of water.
“What's this?” I asked, pointing to the flowing water. It didn’t look like much from the impressive waterfall I had seen far below.
“That's where the waterfall comes from.”
“Really?” I asked. “Sure doesn't seem like much water.”
“It depends on how much rain we have,” Tiffany told me. “But when it comes over the edge, even a little water looks like a lot.”
We followed the flow of the stream until we came to a wooden barrier made of bright yellow wood slats. I looked beyond the barrier, and everything looked safe. There was a good 15-20 feet before the waterfall began.
“Why can't we go past this?” I asked Tiffany.
“It's too dangerous,” she told me with a smile.
I looked at the water flowing again, but nothing about it looked dangerous. Still, Tiffany was the experienced hiker on this trip, so I heeded her warning.
“I wanted you to see where the waterfall started,” Tiffany said. “Let's go a little further and you'll have a better view of where the water first falls over the ledge.”
A change in view
Another 10-minute hike, and we came out of the tree cover onto a round stone bluff. From there, an area higher than the waterfall, we had a clear view of both the pool at the bottom of the falls and the glorious spray of water rushing over the edge of the mountain.
Looking from there, I saw why the barrier was necessary. I didn't see it when standing by the yellow barrier, but the stone riverbed slanted down from there to the cliff. The rock underneath the stream was very slick, a thing I learned earlier when I slipped on fell on my butt into the cool water. With the downward angle, it was clear how one could easily slip over the edge and fall 300 feet to the rocky pool below.
My mind running wild with what-if scenarios, I was thankful the boundary had stopped me from walking any further.
Boundaries can be life-saving, but many humans are inclined to ignore them. Part of maintaining stability with bipolar disorder includes having strong boundaries in place.
Here's what we'll cover this week:
The Value of Boundaries
Types of Boundaries Every Person with Bipolar Needs
Setting Boundaries for Different People with a Bipolar Mind
Dealing with Your Boundary Violators
Maintaining and Strengthening Your Relationship Boundaries
Let’s jump in.
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The value of boundaries
Let's talk about boundaries, but not the physical ones like the barrier I almost went around. Instead, we’ll look at invisible boundaries, your internal rules where you define where you end and where everyone else begins.
Think of them as a personal force field, a barrier between you and the world. It’s up to you to decide when the shield is up or down.
So, what are healthy boundaries? They're your personal, emotional, and physical "nope" buttons. These barriers help you maintain your limits while respecting your needs and protecting your energy.
Why are boundaries so crucial, especially for us? Because when your mood is swinging like a pendulum on a grandfather clock in a hurricane, knowing your limits can be the anchor that helps you find ground again.
Good boundaries protect your well-being, prevent burnout (because who needs to be more tired), and foster genuinely healthy relationships. Without them, you might find yourself saying "yes" to the wrong things, feeling resentful because you’ve done too much, or wondering why you're covered in glue and glitter at 3 AM.
Signs to look for
How do you know if your boundaries need work? Consider these signs of boundary issues.
Signs you might need to establish better boundaries:
You constantly feel overwhelmed or drained after social interactions.
You find yourself apologizing for things that aren't your fault.
You're a professional people-pleaser.
Your "me time" feels like a mirage on the horizon.
You constantly feel like you're putting out other people's fires.
Your emotions feel like they're on a public display.
You resent people for things they don't even know they're doing (like double dipping into the salsa. I mean, really, shouldn’t they know better?)
Boundary resistance
Many people with bipolar refuse to create boundaries because they have misconceptions about what they are. Your mind might lie to tell you setting limits is selfish when it’s really about self-preservation. You may worry people will think you don’t care, but your loved ones should recognize your need to take care of yourself.
Others avoid setting limits because they worry people will leave them, but you know what? If someone walks away because you set a boundary to protect yourself, you need to let them go. They’re doing you a favor.
I used to worry I would offend people or hurt their feelings, so I rarely said no to anything. Sure, I haven’t slept for 4 days, but you want to go out of down and have me watch your little ones? Why not?
Every time I push past my limits, I regret it, and often the emotional wreckage is much worse than any resentment about me saying no.
Now that we have an overview of boundaries and their value, tomorrow (premium subscribers) we’ll discuss the different types of boundaries everyone needs.
Monday’s Journal prompt: Identify an area in your life where your boundaries might be too weak. Is it with family? Friends? That random high-school friend who keeps sending you cat memes? Take a review and identify any trouble areas in your life.
Until next time, keep fighting.
Scott Ninneman
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Scott Ninneman is the author of Speaking Bipolar’s 30 Days of Positivity and the writer behind SpeakingBipolar.com. Living in the mountains of southeast Tennessee, he spends his days crunching numbers as a tax preparer and his nights caring for his mother and writing stories about bipolar life. (And he loves pandas.)
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Thanks Scott for these signs to prompt us to check out our boundaries. These will help me define mine more precisely 🙏