The Painful End of a Date Helped Brenda See the Need To Change
Learning to look for the positive helped Brenda turn her life around.
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Brenda was always a negative person.
If something went wrong, she was the first one to complain and stew in her misery. It wasn’t that she was unhappy all the time, but she found it difficult to be positive when things didn’t go her way.
Brenda’s negativity affected her entire life. Her work performance suffered, her friendships were strained, and her love life was a mess.
One night at a restaurant, Brenda was out with Vince, a guy she’d been out with a few times before. Her negativity had become such a habit, she didn’t even notice she was picking apart everything from the cherry in her Brandy Old Fashioned to the placement of croutons on her salad.
“Enough!” Vince said, standing up in frustration. “Must you find the worst in everything?”
Vince threw his cloth napkin down on the table and walked out of the restaurant. Brenda never heard from him again.
“When you wake up every day, you have two choices. You can either be positive or negative; an optimist or a pessimist. I choose to be an optimist. It's all a matter of perspective.”
- Harvey Mackay
Scott Ninneman publishes two newsletters each week. The Sunday All Things Bipolar Newsletter features the newest content about bipolar life. The Speaking Bipolar Positivity Club Newsletter shares inspirational stories three times a week to help you maintain a positive mindset.
Facing Reality
Vince was a wake-up call for Brenda.
His intense reaction to her criticisms caused her to look inward, and she didn’t like what she saw. She realized that being negative all the time was hurting her. In fact, it was making her life worse. So she made a decision to start being positive instead.
Now, let’s not pretend that choosing to be positive is a shift that happens overnight. It was a long journey for Brenda, but she was determined to change.
Brenda started by paying attention to her internal messaging. She listened to the things she said to herself and then looked for ways to make them positive.
Instead of thinking, “I look like I crawled out of a dumpster this morning,” she reframed the message to “This shade of lipstick goes well with my skin tone.”
From internal messaging, she next tackled the things she said to others and the way she viewed the world.
Instead of focusing on a workmate that “never shut up,” Brenda chose to see a colleague that clients loved to work with. Her fellow employee knew how to do her job and treated people well, and that was the part Brenda knew she had to focus on.
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Change Takes Time
At first, it was hard for Brenda to change her ways, but with time and practice, she got better at it.
Before long, Brenda’s new positive attitude had turned her life around. She was happier, more content, and felt like she could take on anything life threw at her.
When Brenda tells people today how negative she used to be, most people don’t believe her.
“But you’re always so positive,” they may tell her. “And you’re always smiling.”
“Oh, it’s true,” she’ll tell them. “I was queen of the negative Nellies until I decided to change. It was one of the best things I ever did.”
Brenda’s not a superhero and her mark on the world isn’t winning a gold medal or conquering a towering mountain. No, Brenda’s biggest impact was on herself, and though she didn’t plan on it, she also changed those who knew her.
Brenda and her husband Dan just celebrated their tenth wedding anniversary.
They are one of the most popular couples in their circle of friends, and that’s largely because of how positive they are about life.
If you’re struggling to be positive, start small. Pick one thing in your life and then find a way to look at it from a positive perspective. When you master that one, pick another.
Before you know it, your whole life will be better.
Grab a Pen
Spend some time thinking about changes with these writing prompts.
Journal Prompt: Who is someone in your life that made big changes to improve themselves? How can they be an inspiration for you?
Creative Writing Prompt: Imagine Brenda’s date with Vince hadn’t ended so abruptly. Write the story of what happened after Vince stood up.
Until next time, keep fighting.
Scott Ninneman
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