Stop the Shoulds From Ruling Your Life
One word you need to delete from your vocabulary today. | Change the Station Week (5 of 7)
Hi there, friend.
Some nights, I flip on the TV because I just need to veg out for a while. I’ll pull up whatever streaming app I subscribed to that month and start the search.
Usually, there’s a “Continue Watching” section, so the decision is easy. Other nights, I may scroll for 30 minutes and be so overwhelmed by choices that I shut the TV off.
I feel the same paralysis with other things. My room may be a mess, and overwhelmed with where to start, I can’t do anything. Still, my mind tells me I should do something, so I try to force myself forward.
If I asked you to list the things you need to do today, what would you say?
“I should exercise. I should call my mom. I should be more productive. I should be happier by now.”
The word “Should” is one of the most toxic words in the English language.
When you say “I should,” you are implying that you’re not doing enough. The whole message starts with shame. “Should” creates a gap between reality and expectation, and in that gap, guilt thrives.
This week, let’s try a Word Swap.
Replace “Should” with “Could” or “Choose to.”
Old Thought: “I should go for a walk.” (This feels like an obligation. If you don’t go, you failed).
New Thought: “I could go for a walk.” (This feels like a possibility and a choice).
Old Thought: “I should be over this depression by now.” (Judgment).
New Thought: “I would like to feel better, and I’m working on it.” (Compassion).
When you stop shoulding yourself, you remove the giant backpack of guilt from your shoulders. You realize that you have choices. What’s amazing is when you stop forcing yourself with “should,” you often find the energy to actually do the thing. (Though, I have to admit, my room is still a mess, but I could clean it today. 😉)
What “should” can you reframe today?
Journal Prompt
List 3 things you are telling yourself you should do right now. Rewrite them using “I choose to...” or “I get to...” How does the energy of the sentence change?
Until next time, keep fighting.
Scott Ninneman
This week’s theme post:
Scott Ninneman is the author of Speaking Bipolar’s 30 Days of Positivity, Anchored in the Storm (Guided Journal), and the writer behind SpeakingBipolar.com. Living in the mountains of southeast Tennessee, he spends his days crunching numbers as a tax preparer and his nights caring for his mother and writing stories about bipolar life. (And he loves pandas.)
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