Stay Positive When Things Aren't Going Your Way
A story about moving past the negative.
Hi there!
The Speaking Bipolar’s 30 Days of Positivity Book is technically my second book. I published my first book in 2018 under a pen name.
The fiction book was about a young man fighting many of the same struggles I’ve been through, and writing his story took over 8 years.
My hands trembled in excitement as I held the proof copy in my hands. I knew my writing career was taking off. With visions of best-seller status, I promoted the book everywhere I could.
Then the reviews started coming in.
I just knew everyone would love my book as much as I did, but sadly, I was wrong. While writing the tale was therapy for me, some readers felt it was a disconnected mess.
My heart broken, I pulled the book out of publication and it’s been concealed in moth balls ever since.
Stuck in a storm cloud, I stopped writing completely for many months. It was just one occurrence in a long history of me getting wrapped up in the negative.
If an activity didn't go my way, I would beat myself up and ruminate on it for months, sometimes years. Constantly walking through a negative landscape was exhausting, like walking across a minefield, just waiting for one to explode and destroy everything.
But then I learned to change. Here are a few steps I took to overlook all the negatives.
“The art of being wise is knowing what to overlook.”
- William James
Scott Ninneman also publishes the free All Things Bipolar Newsletter (off Substack). The Sunday email features the newest content about bipolar life.
What Should You Overlook?
The first step is to know what you should overlook.
Most of the time, when you get lost in a negative windstorm, it’s over tiny, meaningless things. You worry about a silly comment you made, the way you danced at a party, or the typos you missed in an email you sent while at work.
No matter how inconsequential, your fixation on the event makes it grow ever larger in your mind. In time, it consumes you.
When you stay stuck in negativity land, you miss out on the great things happening around you. To decide what to overlook, ask yourself, will this matter in a month? A year? Five years?
No matter what it is, if it won't matter later, then let it go now.
How Can You Overlook the Negative?
Negative events happen in your life every day. There’s no stopping them all, but it's how you deal with them that makes the difference.
If you let every piece of negativity drag you down, they will devour you and your life. Before you know it, you’re sucked into the darkness of Debbie Downer. The gloom will chase all light from your world.
If you can learn to overlook those bad things, they lose most of their power.
Here are a few tips on how to let things go.
Focus on the positive. When something negative happens, try to focus on the positive aspects of the situation. Ask yourself: What good can come from this event? How can you learn and grow from what happened?
Forgive yourself. If the negativity is tied to a mistake you made, take this attitude. So, you screwed up. It happens. Everyone makes mistakes. Accept the misdeed and decide to forgive yourself. Promise to do better and really mean it. Treat yourself like you would a friend who did the same thing.
Look to the future. Staying stuck in a negative place can take over your life. If you allow your mind to dwell continually on the negative, the rest of life will pass you by. Learn to let the negative go, and move on. Imagine the thing as a helium-filled balloon. Release your grasp and watch it float away. Then get on with living your life without the weight pulling you down.
What Are the Benefits of Overlooking the Negative?
Think back to the times you have held onto the negativity versus the times you let it go. Which felt better?
Overlooking the bad can improve your life in several ways. For example, when you’re no longer chained to the past, you feel more optimistic. You may even feel lighter and have more joy.
Leaving your mistakes behind can also create less stress and give you more power to face future challenges. When you know that a time you perceived as bad no longer has a hold on you, it’s easier to face the next hurdles in your path.
Pursuing a positive mindset is about looking for ways to improve your life. Learning how to overlook the negative is a great place to start.
Is it hard?
If you think it’s hard, you’re right. At least in the beginning. I let the negative comments about my first book devastate me. I pulled it out of the stores and will probably never share it again.
However, it’s no longer a negative experience for me. I no longer care if the readers liked the book. It only sold roughly 240 copies, and it’s possible the few who left a review were angry internet trolls.
The truth no longer matters to me. When I really looked at the whole scenario, the book never was for my readers. I wrote the story to help me deal with painful events from my past.
The act of writing enabled me to both examine and move past those memories. What people thought about the book no longer had any power over me, because the book was never for them.
More importantly, I learned to grow as a writer from those negative comments. Some of the awful reviews made valuable suggestions. Paying attention helped me write better content.
When you're glued to the negative side of an event, it’s all you can see. If you can learn to step away and look at it objectively, you can usually move away from it.
Will I ever republish my first book? I’m not sure. While I love the manuscript, turning it into what it should be would require more than I have right now. I’m just glad the negativity is no longer holding me back.
The next time something negative happens to you, look for the positive. If you can find a lesson to learn, it will make it easier to move forward.
There is almost always a life lesson, and finding it will help you stay focused on the positive. So overlook what you can and move on to a better life.
Journal Time
Take some time to write about overlooking the negative using these prompts.
Journal Prompt: What was the last negative thing in your life? What did it teach you? How can you let it go?
Creative Writing Prompt: Imagine the emotional baggage you carry are literal physical objects you have to take everywhere. Write a story about a day in that world.
Note: The Speaking Bipolar’s 30 Days of Positivity Book will be available August 3, 2024, and will have digital, paperback, and hardcover editions.
Until next time, keep fighting.
Scott Ninneman
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