It’s Okay if the First Times Are Unsuccessful (Mine Were)
Sometimes second tries don’t work either.
Hi there!
My first job after my initial bipolar diagnosis was an epic failure.
For one, I went back to work too soon. My doctor was still making weekly medication adjustments, so I never knew if I’d be hanging out on the manic end or depression side of the spectrum.
Some days, I went in and was a workhorse. I pulled reports, filed documents, or ran ledger sheets with gusto. Other days, I sat at my desk and stared at the pen holder. My mind was blank.
I couldn’t even figure out how to pull a pen out of the cup in front of me.
“You don't have to get it right the first time.”
- Barbara Sher
Scott Ninneman also publishes the free All Things Bipolar Newsletter (off Substack). The Sunday email features the newest content about bipolar life.
Quitting and Walking Away
My manager didn’t even try to hide his frustration.
After nearly three months of chaos, I busted into a meeting between my manager and the head of HR and confessed I was bipolar and going home. I’ll never forget the look of shock on their faces, as I didn’t even wait for a response before bolting out the door and out of the building.
I spent the next three weeks in bed. I was sure my diagnosis meant I would never work again.
First tries seldom work. Neither do second, third, fourth, and sometimes fifth tries, at least in my experience. It’s why lots of people throw out the first pancake, and why I’m standing there waiting to eat it. I don’t need perfection.
The messy pancakes taste just as good.
Trying Again
The crushing disappointment of falling apart after that first job stuck with me, but it didn’t end me.
A few months later, I reached a level of stability where I could complete routine tasks on a daily basis. I applied for a job in a smaller office. It was less stressful and easier to learn. I fit in quickly and stayed there for the next few years.
I could have given up after that first job. God knows, I wanted to.
It would have been so easy to let someone take care of me while I lived in my self-confined prison. But I didn’t have anyone willing to carry my load, so I learned to do what was necessary.
Never Give Up
There will be times you fail. Jobs, relationships, and hobbies may reach devastating ends, but you must go on. Success only comes to those who keep trying, and that’s true for everything.
The second job taught me what I could do. It gave me an environment to adjust to my mental illness while being a productive member of society. Once I knew what I could do, I had more confidence to do more.
Take a chance and see what you can do. If the first thing doesn’t work out, try again.
It’s okay if your first pancake doesn’t turn out. You’ll never know what you can do until you try.
Journal Prompt: Write about a time when you succeeded only after failing the first time. What did the experience teach you?
Creative Writing Prompt: A cook in a small diner discovers the shape of his pancakes changes how people act. What does he do with his power?
Until next time, keep fighting.
Scott Ninneman
Additional Reading:
The book that started it all…
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