Forgive Yourself First
Why you should forgive yourself for the guilt in your bad memory.
Hi there!
Tuesday’s Journal Prompt: Who can you talk to about the betrayal? What things should you say? Are there any topics you want to avoid?
Some of my friends think I'm a human lie detector. I'm not, but I can usually pick up pretty quickly if someone is lying to me.
Truth be told, most of the time, I can't explain how I know it. My gut tells me something is off, and when I pursue it, I have nearly 100% accuracy in finding an untruth.
I have very few rules for the friends in my life, but one is that they can't lie to me. Once you lie to me, it's unlikely that I'll ever trust you again. Usually, that one untruth, will close the door on my heart that feels impossible to reopen.
Not long ago, I found out that a friend had been lying to me for several years. It was a person I thought I could trust implicitly, and shared more of myself with than almost any other person I know.
When the truth came out, and all the lies were revealed, I wasn't angry at my friend. Part of me wasn't even surprised. All of my anger turned inward, and I was so disgusted with myself that I hadn't recognized the lies I was being told.
Dealing with the painful emotions of that situation helped me see the importance of the next step in overcoming painful memories. You have to forgive yourself.
Forgive yourself
Forgiving yourself is essential. You didn't do anything wrong. The other person made a choice to hurt you, and that's on them, not you.
No matter what happens, a part of you will blame yourself. That's what I did, but I was wrong. It takes time, but forgiving yourself is possible.
I'm not sure what happened to many of us as children, but we grew into adults who believe that everything is our fault. And we're 100% wrong. Yeah, we do make stupid mistakes, so some things are our fault, but not all of them.
Forgiving yourself can take a lot of hard work and time. So be patient with yourself, and be gentle on the days when you go back to old habits. Accept the reason that you're mad at yourself, but then vow to move forward and forgive yourself.
Silly as it may seem, it's important to tell yourself that you forgive yourself. I find it helpful to write a letter addressing it to myself and writing it out in longhand. There's something about issuing a formal apology that makes it easier to believe you are being forgiven.
Once you're on the path to forgiving yourself, what's the next step to overcoming painful memories.? We will dive a little deeper into forgiveness tomorrow.
Wednesday’s Journal Prompt: Think back to the painful memory you considered on Monday. Have you forgiven yourself for the event? What step can you take today to move toward forgiveness? Try writing a letter of apology to yourself.
Until next time, keep fighting.
Scott Ninneman
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I totally agree that many of us as adults think a lot of things are our fault. I'm not sure why that is, but I grew up Gen-X and we didn't discuss feelings or emotions that much, just more told to get over it.
I feel exactly the same about lying. Once I catch someone out in a lie, I'm done. Lovely post!
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