Hi there!
When I was first diagnosed with bipolar disorder, I was in a dark place. I felt like a mutated freak of nature and believed I was the only person in the world who dealt with this type of mental illness.
To make matters worse, I felt I had no one to talk to about it. My first roommate was a disaster himself and pointed out all the things I already hate about me. He made it hard to open up at all to anyone.
Thankfully, my friend Margaret reached out to me and offered to listen without judgment. She and her husband allowed me to tell my story in my own words, and they never made me feel like I was crazy.
They didn’t run when I told them about the days I went without sleep, the hallucinations that haunted me, or the voices filling my head like an angry mob. Because of their support, I slowly began to accept my diagnosis and work on getting better.
If you know someone who is struggling with a mental illness, how can you help them? Here are three things you can try today.
“In order to empathize with someone's experience you must be willing to believe them as they see it and not how you imagine their experience to be.”
- Brene Brown
Scott Ninneman also publishes the free All Things Bipolar Newsletter (off Substack). The Sunday email features the newest content about bipolar life.
Listen
The first way you can help is to listen to them without judgment. Your first instinct will be to offer helpful suggestions, but don’t try to fix them. Especially in the early days of a diagnosis, the thing they need most is for someone to hear them.
Be prepared for painful words, but try not to be hurt or angry. Bipolar disorder can twist the things you think and feel, and irritability can quickly turn into anger. If you can stay calm, it will go a long way to defuse the situation.
Accept
The next step is to accept what you hear. While you’re listening, you will hear some “crazy talk.”
What is crazy talk? Often, it will be things you know are false. They may tell you how everyone hates them or that no one has ever loved them. No matter how unlikely something sounds, do your best to accept it. At this moment, it is their reality.
For about three years before my bipolar diagnosis, I experienced auditory and visual hallucinations. When I told one friend, he laughed at me and told me I was crazy. Worse yet, he later brought it up at a party, and got everyone else in the room laughing at me. It crushed me.
My roommate could only see one version of me: the young guy who loved to laugh and entertain others. He refused to admit anything could be wrong with me. His failure to accept what I was saying is part of the reason I didn’t seek professional help sooner. It was a delay that nearly cost me my life.
Whatever your loved one says, try to accept it. Many things will work themselves out later. For example, when I finally got on the right combination of medications to keep me stable, the hallucinations stopped. Now, it’s rare I experience visions, and then usually only after days of no sleep.
Support
My friend Margaret and her husband went above and beyond in helping me come to terms with my bipolar disorder. For a few weeks, I even moved in with them. Their support gave me a solid anchor to keep me stable.
Most of the time, you cannot take such a big step. However, supporting a loved one with a mental illness doesn’t require huge actions. Little things, like checking in every day or popping by to say hello are equally helpful.
If you can do one or more of these things, you will help your loved one immensely. By keeping an open mind, listening without judgment, and accepting what they say, you can help them cope with mental illness.
Do you know someone who needs this support right now? Put these words in action.
Do you need help from the people in your life? Please share this story with them so they know how to give you the help you need.
True friends can make all the difference. Let those friends be your positivity for today.
For today, think about a friend or family member who loves you unconditionally. Reflect on what their support means to you and how it’s improved your life. If you haven’t recently, send them a thank you note or text message so they know how grateful you are.
Give Thanks
Take some time to think about how to apply this lesson to your life. Use these writing prompts to help you.
Journal Prompt: Write a letter to a person who changed your life by being there for you. This letter is for you. Pour out your heart and say all the things you never did. Later, pick the best part of the letter and write a letter to send or put the thoughts in a card.
Creative Writing Prompt: Two people have been enemies for years. Now, they are stranded on an island, the only two people there. Write a story about how they finally make peace and become friends.
Until next time, keep fighting.
Scott Ninneman
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These tips are what NAMI (National Alliance on Mental Illness) use when teaching CIT (Crisis Intervention Training) to police officers!